When it all falls apart.

♥♥♥

Don't remember when was the last time I felt so bad, so much so that I feel like crying. I think it was after FP exam.

There were times when I wonder if I'll cry as badly as the times I laugh so hardly. Like the neutralisation point.. Stupid right?

I really feel like crying right now..

Even as I'm typing this post out now.

I'm tired. Too many commitments? I don't know, but I don't think so. Because I seem to get use to it already.

Just came back from the post trip dinner.

I got to know my results for the project.

I got a C. Just because I skipped the 4% journaling component? Then what about all the hard work trying to gather information and preparing for the presentation?

Bottom line: I really didn't expect myself to score so badly despite the fact of skipping the 4% part.

But I've told myself before that projects don't play an important part and that exams and CTs are what that matters most.

But so what? I've totally lost the momentum, the motivation to study hard and do my very best for my studies.

Be it project, tutorials or tests.

And always, at the end of the day, I regret. But it is all too late..

And what's next, my common tests are lined up on the week when I'm going to leave for Taiwan with my family and cousins. Much anticipated, but now??

How am I supposed to settle this?

Mrs Choo just answered: "Oh, then you're gonna get zero for the paper."

Then what else is there left to do?

I can't possibly withdraw from the trip or ask for a postpone since it has already been confirmed.

Just yesterday, I told myself to remain positive and try to solve the problem but now, it seems like all hopes are gone and that I've lost my confidence in trying to resolve matters.

What's wrong with me?

Why am I so result-driven when I know I am not a person who prioritise my studies above all? Losing myself in this society of competitiveness and forcing myself so hard just to get good results and hopefully progress on to my next path in life.

Are qualifications all that matters in life? If so, that really sucks..

I&E proposal, bcomm long report, projects after projects. E-learning assignments coming up soon.

Telephone etiquette assessment next week.

I am not being an emo girl here or any thing of that sort, just feel like expressing how I feel.

However, I know that through these difficulties, God has his plans and is making me a stronger person day by day.

Through it all, I know you'll be there for me.

Thanks Keith for being ever so nice to me all the time. ^^